Ciara Celine. 1990. New York City. Vocational nurse. Likes to plan trips when time & money permits. Reads leisurely. Loves to eat. Writes randomly. Somewhat into video games. Loves binge watching on streaming services. Random.
I am looking for friendly people who are open-minded, random, and knows how to live with differences.
Comment if you would like to be friends.
Nothing much new. Just the usual work, school, and Tyler. Haha. Time to catch up!
Work and school life is still kicking my ass.. How are you doing?
Its been awhile since I reflectively talked about my job.
For those of you who do not know, I am a practical nurse (or vocational nurse).
(I am currently trying to finish some prerequisites so I can do a step-up to become an RN. Sometimes I become inactive due to this).
I've been jaded about my job recently while at the same time, it is the only thing I can see myself doing. No, I am not an RN. But I am popping pill to patients. I do bedside care. I give injections. I put catheter. I don't see being a nurse for the task though. I'm usually just lost in my own life. I don't think I have a 'talent' either, but being in this field gives me purpose. I serve people in this way. It makes me feel a bit selfless.
But the best part about the job is always seeing the progress of patients. I've worked in long term care where patients do not come and go -- they find a home there or need a lot of time to get better. Some patients are there just for a place for their last remaining days. I would see them get better or deteriorate. It is the in-betweens that I like because that is where I am able to connect with people.
I work in a sub-acute unit now where people are breathing on ventilators or a blow-by. There is a hole in their throat pretty much. Many of these people are mentally dead, quadraplegic, and basically will never recover to their original state. They are kept alive by feeding tubes, medications, the tracheostomy, etc. I see families who visit their loved ones and can't accept the irreversible condition. I try to be open-minded and understanding about this. I want to be mindful and imagine myself in their shoes.
Anyway, I do not know where I am getting at.
In a nutshell, work has been some kind of weird routine. I'm not complaining about it. It actually inspires me to help people who are actually in need. I mean those people who can still recover and have a chance in this world. I think about people who can't afford any form of healthcare but have the potential to get better *if only* they have access.
This thought branched out to more things like after watching Youtube videos about poverty in the Philippines and hearing the street children being interviewed about what they want to be when they grow up. I see the kids with big bellies because of tapeworms in their stomachs, some skin condition, or those who can not go to school because they can not afford any footwear. I guess there are some thing that *I* can afford to donate or mend.
Yeah, I am jaded but I am also not idle. I do know that I can channel the knowledge that I am learning in school, work, or life in general to someone else who can have a chance for a better quality of life.
I definitely rambled.
I am blessed to have a working mind and the ability to make decisions.
Hiatus would have been much longer, but I'm slowly catching up on entries once again. It is hard to separate from Livejournal.
I'm doing just OK in school. Getting straight A's is impossible when I am also trying to survive in my daily life. And that's OK. I just want to finish. I took a break from Livejournal thinking that I can do some time management, but that failed terribly. Other issues keeps on coming. I feel like my life is plagued by unforeseen circumstances that I am never ready for.
I can go on, but at the end of the day, I've reflected about how unhealthy it is to be super selfless.
This is what I plan to do about it:
- Become more assertive
-Tell the truth
- Declutter (this one is in the works. This one will just relieve my stress, haha.
Same in platonic and romantic relationships too. I am in such a delicate year or two in my life when my career is more important right now. I know my capacity in terms of how much I can give or sacrifice. I'm not one to ask: what can this person do for me in return?
And then one day, I did.
It is sometimes important to reflect about the people we become "selfless" for. Are they worth the sacrifices? Are they worth the ache?
When it comes to change all I can is: Embrace change -- embrace the change even if it is suddenly forced upon you. Embrace change for the good. Embrace change even if it brings drawbacks. Embrace change.
At the end of the day, I just need to suck it up and keep moving forward.
Sending some love to my friends all over the world. Or any of you who I interact with. Some of us came from different backgrounds but I appreciate the acceptance that we have for one another. I hope you feel the same.